He asked me to wear my shirt that matches his and take a photo. Hahahahahahaha. Whatever. He has the cutest nose! Just look at it!

Throw on your shades and stop your worrying. I got your heart, your back, so don’t stress out on that. Us being here is not an accident.

Heyo! Woah there, all as in all? Yoiks, good job, I guess? Ahahaha.

So, how did he and I meet? Hmmm. As cliche as it sounds, we met in school back in our second year. My best guy friend introduced him to me one time, but we didn’t really get to know each other that well. The first time we had a real conversation was at the first month (June 2010) of third year.

How did our relationship start? Hahaha, it’s kind of a long funny story, or a complicated one rather.

Our relationship started right at that first month of school, even when we just met and all: crazy, isn’t it? At first, it didn’t really work out (of course), since we just met and we didn’t really start out as friends — more like as acquaintances for about a week — then we decided to get into an immature relationship so quickly. We used to be so gullible. As months passed, things got pretty complicated, and I gave up on him twice on a September. During our cold war, we both came to realize that we were actually in love with each other… Cheesy. Late November, he approached me while I was working on book week stuff right next to their classroom, outside the building. Things worked out between us eventually, until we’ve become what we are at this very moment. Heehee.

Too much information? Yeah, that’s needed. Hahahahaha. Thanks for asking though. :D Typing all of that made me smile.

Have you ever felt really sad, but you can’t understand why you feel that way?

You know… Suddenly feeling lonesome & depressed, and all you want to do is break free from your locked up life and finally do something. But you can’t. Just because your mother didn’t permit you to, and because it’s too hot outside. But you know that that’s not why you lost your smile; that’s not why your heart aches at the moment. And after feeling all those unexplainable depressing feels creep up and down your spine and flood your brain with all sorts of scenarios, you suddenly realize things, some reasons to feel that way. You would then be urged to roll tears out of your eyes and just crawl back to bed, because you know that sitting in front of the computer wouldn’t do you any good, not even replacing song titles and band names with “boobs” could help you at all.

Then you would feel hate begin to fill in your chest just because of one reason… because of a promise that your father made with you that he didn’t keep again. It’s just that, you expected so much from your own dad, but you ended up disappointed once again. Do you know that feeling? He isn’t there beside you. He has other important things to deal with and he’s always too busy, and you only see him at least once a year. But on your high school graduation night, he promised one simple thing and you just hoped that he would keep that promise this time, especially since you just graduated. But you thought and hoped wrong for the nth time.

And then there goes that one guy you love… Effortlessly and effectively cheering you up with those silly conversations and ridiculous jokes, telling you not to worry and be patient, bringing back the smile that you have been waiting to appear on your face again for sooo long. Then after your gloomy mood fades, you start to feel really happy and find your emo self completely stupid.

Yeah, I’m having one of those days wherein only that one special guy and praying could solve things. Forgive me and my unnecessary drama. I know it’s unnecessary, but whatever.

March 31, 2012. It feels as if an unbreakable wall is starting to form between us.

Well then, I did this quick drawing because I had nothing better to do last night. What is this drawing about? I just felt as if he and I are falling apart, all because of these stupid things that I’ve been saying to him for the past two days. I don’t really know what’s wrong with me. I feel like a complete idiot nowadays. I’m such a horrible person, I know.

Yes, I like scribbling lines. Problem? Complaints? Violent reactions? Nope.

There will always be that one person. That one person who can love all your flaws, that one person who can be by your side in your hardest times, that one person who can always forgive you. No matter what you did wrong or even how much you’ve caused them pain, regardless even tho we don’t deserve it, they find themselves forgiving us. Just because we mean so much to them, and a piece of advice when you find that person, don’t ever let go, you may be the luckiest.

So, we decided to go to City Centre to watch The Hunger Games… because we were curious as to why people were crazed and reacting violently or ecstatically about it. And since this day was the last day of showing, we decided to give it a shot. By the way, we didn’t want to go to Villaggio, because it was too mainstream, haha. And we were pretty sure that lots of (former) schoolmates went there. Yeah.

But before buying the tickets, we went to Sun & Sand Sports to check out the Vans shoes and stuff… and eventually, we had a vain time again while the salesmen weren’t looking — since taking pictures in there wasn’t allowed. Ugh, we’ve got badasses over here.

And just to let you know, yes, he likes taking tilted pictures. Hahaha, just look at that.

By the way, I really like the beanie that I’m wearing in the photos. Well, I like all the Vans beanies, but they’re pricey — not practical at all for a simple beanie. Sigh. I also spotted lots of awesome Vans shoes. If only I had all the money in the world…

While we were buying the tickets, the Filipino cashier lady asked us where we were from and what school we’re from. It felt really nice to say that we just graduated and we’re going to college soon. Well, except for the frog ‘cause he’s going to continue high school; grades 11 and 12. Hohohoho.

After that, we headed straight to the food court at the opposite side of that floor, since the food court near the cine centre was closed for some reason.

On the way to the food court, I found this art store with the legendary Moleskine notebooks, sketchbooks and planners. They were a bit expensive, but it’s worth it. One day, I am going to buy that set. One day.

We had a hard time deciding what food to eat, but we ended up ordering Singapore noodles at some Asian restaurant (I forgot the name of it). Then we ordered Papa John’s cheesesticks after.

While waiting for our noodles, we/he had a vain time again. Haha. There, you have a photo of my frog, doing the duck face. I don’t even think that’s a duck face, but he said it was. Seems to me he just wants to kiss the camera though. I don’t really know.

After eating, we headed back to the cine centre. We were late by five minutes, then we had to leave our box of cheesesticks because it wasn’t allowed inside. Darn. So the only thing we had to nibble on while watching was the straw on our cup of coke… No food, so sad. Haha.

While watching, we were discussing and asking each other stuff like What if the world holds hunger games in reality, then there only has to be one victor, then you and I are the tributes of our place, would you kill me? Lol at the random questions that we ask each other.

We both answered that we wouldn’t do that. But, it was pretty scary just thinking about it. Haha. After that question of mine, more questions from him followed — about his trust issues, who would I pick between him and others, etc.

Yes, I like taking pictures of him. Problem? Complaints? Violent reactions? Nope.

At the end of the movie, we rated it from 1 to 10. I gave it 9, he gave it 7. Well, the movie was nice. But it was not as thrilling as we thought it would be. It was kind of confusing, actually, and the camera made my huge head spin, lol. The ending was kind of predictable to me — most movies nowadays are pretty predictable, that’s why I’d rather not waste my money in watching movies at the cine. This day was an exception though. Teehee.

After that, we went back to the food court. Bought chocolate chip ice cream with butterscotch at Baskin Robbins, hoho — I’ve just made it my current favorite ice cream flavor.

Then we played the tank! tank! tank! game at Fun City, hahaha. So fun. First round: our team won, then I was the 1st, he was 3rd. Second round: we fought against each other, he was 1st, I was 4th. Ugh, hahaha. He just got lucky the second time.

After that game, we went to Carrefour to check out laptops, DSLR cameras, smartphones, school stuff, magazines, movies, headphones, iPods, games and all. Gosh, I really want to buy lots of things, but sadly, I don’t have enough money. Sad life.

Then we decided to go home, but before that, we ordered some frap at Starbucks. Hohoho. The taxi we got went the long way going to Madinat Khalifa, South. Darn, then Kris had to pay 30QR just for that. Well then, our wallets had just died last night. Hahaha, good heavens. Anyway, we had a great day together, even if our wallets didn’t. He still owes me lots of dates though.

Never mind the weird title. Anyways, he and I decided to have our lunch at KFC today. We just walked, since it was just close. Ordered krushers (chocolate and cookies n’ cream) and panini. And I paid. Between the two of us, I’m the one who has money. Hahaha.

He had a problem with his iPod (the one at the left), so he gave it to me so I could fix it, trollololol. I jailbroke it, hell yeah. And to be honest, I’m falling in love with his iPod. I would like to sell my old one and buy a new one. I wish I could when we fly to US — there’s only ten days left till then. I can’t wait, hoho.

So, yeah. We had a vain time before leaving. Then he walked me home. Teehee. We may have spent only a short time together today — since he had to go back home right away — but it was enough. As long as I’m with him, all is well.

So, it has been decided that he and I will study here in Qatar. It’s not that we chose to stay here for each other, but we chose to study here individually? Yeah, something like that.

He’s going back to MIS for grades 11 and 12; I’m probably going to study in Aptech (Doesn’t sound that ravishing in other people’s ears, but it’s kinda cool there — I think. Some people think that I’d just waste my time there, but meh.) or MIS for grades 11 and 12 then VCU. I’m not so sure yet. But I still have six months to decide, since September is when most schools start here.

My choice of course depends on which school I choose to go to. If I choose to go to Aptech, I’d take Multimedia. If I choose to go to VCU, I’d take up MFA in Design Studies or Graphic Designing. I’m more of an artsy person; so, yeah.

I’m kind of nervous about it; just thinking about it makes me quiver. Anyway, all is well.

“I swear this time, I mean it,” he said.

“I won’t break your heart,” he said.

“I don’t like hearing or seeing you cry,” he said.

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” he said.

“I love you unconditionally,” he said.

“You’re perfect,” he said.

But everything he does and says to me is just contrasting. I don’t know which is which anymore. He promised me that he wouldn’t even dare to break my heart or hurt me. He swore that time, he meant it.

But why is it that he still thinks about his own well-being? His own self?

Why is it that I’m the one getting my heart broken here, but he tells his friends that he’s the one in pain at the moment? He says that he’s in pain because of an occurrence that happened last last year; back when I had no clue about his personality and all. He still dwells in the past, and now he’s making me seem like the wrong person in this argument just because of a mistake I committed in the past.

Everything he’s been saying since yesterday… It’s all just unfair. I’m the one with the shattered heart here, but why does he make it seem like I’ve done something wrong just recently?

Anyway, why is my heart breaking? He called me a flirt, when I didn’t even flirt with anyone, when I would never even do anything like that, when all I did yesterday was hang out with my band (and the manager, lols) at the mall… He kept assuming things. I kept explaining things to him. He still misunderstands me. He couldn’t just set his pride aside and just absorb the truth into his brain that I am not that kind of person: a flirt.

Now, he would sulk around and blame me for how bad he feels? Right. Well, that seems fair. I’m just going to sit here, and wait until he realizes my point, until his brain loads 100%, until he absorbs everything I told him.

But no matter how painful it is to bear at the moment, no matter how shattered my heart is, no matter how puffy my eyes are, no matter how stupid this all seems in our friends’ eyes, no matter how far he pushes me away, I love him still, with all my heart, my soul, with all of me, still unconditionally, fully, and eternally. Nothing has changed; nothing will.

So, I had a heart-to-heart talk with my mom. And it wasn’t what I expected it to be. It was really nice. I’ve learned more. Anyway, what did we talk about?

First off, I was acting all crazy and insane and -insert other synonyms of crazy- in the room: I was crying and screaming while rolling on my bed — lol, rolling. I even threw my guitar and smashed it multiple times. Then I flipped the table with the Ferrero Rocher chocolates (that the frog gave me) on top of it. Lmao. The container broke, together with the poor innocent chocolates. I was furious & heart-broken all at once that I couldn’t control myself anymore.

Then mommy suddenly entered the room and was surprised of the sight: the table was almost broken, the chocolates were scattered, the pieces of the guitar were scattered, and I was just on my bed, looking like a complete psycho who couldn’t stop crying. At first, she was shouting at me like Why are you crying? What happened? What happened??? But I just continued to cry and cry.

Then she sat beside me, and still I cried and cried and cried, until I finally decided to spill it all out to her. I told her about him: assuming things, making me seem like the worst, still dwelling on the past, etc. I told her about how broken my heart is and how painful it is to bear. & she gave me pieces of advice.

After her words of wisdom, I finally calmed down. Then we hugged and I was like a baby trying to catch my breath, trollolololol. I love my mom’s hugs. It is in her hugs wherein I feel truly safe and secure from all the disaster and chaos in this world. We should do this more often. Ahaha.

If it wasn’t for her, maybe I would’ve done something cruel to myself. I’m just so glad that she was there to listen and comfort me.

mahnellajarion replied: I’m honestly jealous you could have talks like that with your mom. :( You’re so lucky and blessed!

Actually, I didn’t expect that I would pour it all out to her. I’ve never talked to her about things like that. It just isn’t normal for us both. :D

But something inside me just told me to just talk to my mom about that. And eventually, I did. It didn’t turn out to be the way I expected it to be — like, she’d whine about how stupid I am, etc.

Maybe if you try talking to your mom about things like this… Yeah :D Ahaha.